I must admit that this past weekend has got me thinking about some of the significant events in my life. There are three things in my life that I would submit have significantly changed me. I suppose I could refer to them as the 3 "M"s. Now, historically, I have been fairly resistant to change. Most of my family doesn't really like change, and I suppose I was not always been open to it either as I was growing up. I liked things a certain way, and if that was good, why change it? Well I have come to realize the importance of change, and that despite my thoughts to the contrary, change is not always a bad thing.
My mission was the first thing in my life that really changed me. I must admit that I went into my mission with one of the worst goals that I have ever set. I wanted to go on a mission, and come back the same person I was when I left. I think that the first few months I was there, I did well on that goal, but one day I stopped resisting and allowed God to begin to mold me into the person that He wants me to be. It was not easy, and there were many experiences, trials, successes, and people that influenced me for the better. Did I change? Yes, I did. Am I glad I changed? Yes. Looking back I just shake my head at the idea that I wanted to have such a wonderful experience without letting it effect who I was. I would have missed out on so much personal growth.
The next major event in my life was marriage. I have friends who say that marriage has changed me. Is that the case? Yes, and I wouldn't have it any other way. Again, as I look back on my life and the person I was (even after having served a mission and allowing that to shape me) I am glad for the changes that marriage has brought about in my life. Now, I keep using the word "change" and I am not sure that is the best way to express what I mean. At the core, the root of who I am, I have not changed. But I have been altered, molded, shaped, into what I consider to be a better version of myself. More like the person that God knows I can be. Do I have a long way to go? Definitely, but I am working on it. It is not a quick process (at least for me) and I have to work at it, but I will keep working at it.
The final event in my life that has changed who I am is motherhood. This was probably the thing that has changed me the quickest. Perhaps I am just getting used to the idea of change now, but more likely it was designed this way. To suddenly have another person completely dependant on me for everything, and the unconditional love and joy that he brings into our lives is amazing. Elliot has been a huge blessing in my life, and he has made me change. He has changed the way I view the world, the things I do during the day, and the person that I am. Again, I would argue that these changes are for the better. Wanting to be that good example for him, and knowing that he will see everything that I do has made me reevaluate many things. I want so much to be the best person that I can be for him.
Change... I am so grateful for the opportunity that I have to change. I am grateful for the atonement of my Savior that allows me to repent, and become a better person every day. Change that is brought about through hard times and trials, as well as the wonderful events that have happened in my life, and the people in it who make me want to be a better person. There are still times when I find myself resisting change for one reason or another. I would be much better off, however, if I could just learn from the 3 "M"s and allow the change that God has planned for me to happen. It will let me be more than I could ever be by resisting it!
